I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The air was thick with penises
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
