Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
