just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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