Is it because I queefed?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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