We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
