i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
