operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
