well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
