her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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