is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize