I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Did I show you my penis last night?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
