Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
