your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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