Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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