I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
