There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My Sexting was not on an AP level
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
