Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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