You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
This is the high leading the old right now
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
