shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
