i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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