I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
