She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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