I could have mohawked her pubes.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
it's like iHOP with fire
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
