please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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