u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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