I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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