By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
