You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
