My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
