spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
