just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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