can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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