where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
