Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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