her vagine was all disorganized.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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