i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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