the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
