kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
