Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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