Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
