I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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