were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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