Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
