At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
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