arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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