Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize