the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
