im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
