I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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