Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
