I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
