After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
