i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
