it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
