Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
