I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
