Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
