Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize