new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
