so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
