she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
