So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize