Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Hippo gnu deer
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
