...so i touched it.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
