So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
