you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
