So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
