i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
