I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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